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Are You Keeping Him or Freaking Him?

Who hasn’t fibbed or fudged it to catch or keep a man? ‘All’s fair in lust and war. We’ll, that was my excuse,’ says 28 year old freelance copyrighter Candace. But while her friends were prepared to buy it when she bleached her stunning auburn hair – pubes included – to attract Zane, a visiting international ballplayer who preferred blondes, they balked when she began dropping assignments and other interests – including them – to be with him.

He, it emerged, was as possessive of his blondes as of the ball. It was when Candace got pregnant to keep him that she nearly lost all of her friends entirely, along with the plot.

‘What can I say?’ she sighs today. ‘I was 23 and crazily in wouldn’t commit and his contract was coming to an end. I seriously thought throwing in my job and following him around the world with a baby could make us happy.’

Candace blamed antibiotics for upsetting her cycle on the Pill, and Zane believed her – but backed straight out. He didn’t ask for tests and offered to pay maintenance, but that wasn’t what she was after. At the time she was devastated and when she miscarried at two months she almost had a breakdown. That’s when she turned to professional help and began questioning how she’s arrived at that point.

‘When you want something so much, you just do what you feel you must do,’ she says now. ‘It’s really hard to know how much is too much. And it’s even harder to hold back.’

How Much is Too Much?

It’s healthy and necessary to compromise in relationships and to sacrifice to some degree. Sometimes relationships require some healthy pretence. You may need to pretend you’re not irritated about something small and let it go to keep the peace. It’s when you have to pretend about things because you’re anxious you’ll lose him if you are yourself, or when you start to lose your sense of identity in the process of pretending, that it starts to become unhealthy.

Women often fib or change themselves to a degree to be attractive to their partners. How many women wake up in the morning next to a man the way nature intended – with absolutely no effort made? It’s not necessary to tell him everything you do to improve yourself physically and in other ways, such as through the tips you pick up in self help books or the advice you get from other people.

It’s the intent and the extent of the behavior that is important. The point to watch for is when your decisions become ‘other centered’, and when you lose a clear sense of who you are and what fits with you. If you press pass this point, you risk losing the sense of who you are, and risk re-creating yourself as something you believe someone else wants.

This is a sign that your liking or loving them has turned into an unhealthy obsession. And the irony is that the more you do this, and the tighter you cling, the more you will frighten off the object of your affection and risk getting the very result you fear.

Are You at Risk?

The woman who goes too far to get or keep a man fails to see that the more desperate she becomes, the more he’ll avoid her because of the intensity and anxiety in the air. A vicious cycle is created, with the potential to escalate past sad or silly to scary – deliberately getting pregnant, undergoing surgery, using love potions, even stalking or harming the man or hurting yourself.

Think Hard Before you Act on your Emotions

Changing yourself significantly, lying or acting in order to win or keep someone is about a deep fear of being different or separate. These devices usually operate to protect you psychologically from feeling that difference implies an aching separateness rather than a healthy differentiation. When you do this and are not yourself, or don’t have your own opinions, you are what psychologists refer to as ‘dependent’ – you assume the other person won’t like you, or will disapprove of you or reject you because of who you are.

This is an indication of low or nonexistent confidence – often the result of an upbringing that didn’t provide consistency and security. The problem is that in a relationship, if you change or put on an act to win or keep a partner, you’ll end up with a sense that the relationship lacks connection and depth. You’ll also lose trust. The outcome will be neurosis and anxiety.

Reading the Signs

Changing yourself for someone else is just one of the signs of unhealthy obsession. If you can’t concentrate on your normal daily demands, if you can’t stop yourself phoning, SMSing or emailing the person incessantly and if they’re indicating they don’t want to be with you but you don’t want to accept it. And get professional help if you start checking on them, or following them or having thoughts about harming them or yourself.

How to Turn Back

Before you make a decision you may regret, from getting pregnant to getting a boob job, understand that actions have consequences. They can change your life for the worse, forever, so think hard before you act on your emotions. No man is worth serving a prison sentence for. There’s no one and no unrequited or broken relationship that you can’t get over in time.

In therapy it’s possible to explore the roots of unhealthy, potentially damaging urges and learn ways to resist or channel them, and to find ways to build confidence.

Existence of Human Pheromones And Its Use as an Attractant

Pheromones are said to affect our chances for attracting the opposite sex. It is because of this idea that many scientists have sought for ways on how use human pheromones as an attractant. And although debates have gone on about the existence of human pheromones as well as its effect in human attraction, many have already concluded that pheromones in humans can also be used as an attractant.

Existence of Human PheromonesAlthough pheromones are more commonly known among animals and insects, recent studies had suggested that human pheromones also exist. And according to these studies, human pheromones had also been known for its effect as an attractant.

Three Difference Sources of Human PheromonesThe focus of the experiments on human pheromones has been on three classes of putative pheromones: axillary steroids, vaginal aliphatic acids, and stimulators of the vomeronasal organ. And from all of these, the axillary steroids are known to play the largest role as an attractant.

Van Toller, one of the many scientists that researched the existence of human pheromones, had concluded that androstenone, one of three axillary steroids, has been used by males as an attractant for women and is also thought to be a positive effector for their mood. In addition to that, this pheromone can also be used by males to to detect an ovulating female who would be more willingly to be involved in sexual interaction, which is why this is one of the many pheromone advantage.

Other popular axillary steroids used as pheromones include the Androstenol, a putative female pheromone which is said to increase other people’s perception for attractiveness, and the androstadienone, which causes a positive reaction in women, often improving their moods. These three altogether is the perfect substance that many scientists had used in developing pheromone products, such as pheromone colognes and perfumes.

The vaginal aliphatic acids, on the other hand, are combination of different vaginal acids that are used to signal ovulation. This is used primarily to attract men for procreation or, in this case, one-night-stands.

Another popular source of human pheromones is the human vomeronasal organ, which serve as the primary receptor or sensory organ for pheromones. Milinski and colleagues found that the artificial odors that people chose are determined in part by their major histocompatibility complexes (MHC) combination.

Information about an individual’s immune system could be used as a way of “sexual selection” so that the female could obtain good genes for her offspring. [17] Wedekind and colleagues found that both men and women prefer the axillary odors of people whose MHC is different from their own. For more information visit to our site at

In The Line of Fire

Another argument with your woman has come and gone right past you. Your well laid pre-planned strategies blown out of the water.

My guy friends are always telling me how they never win with their women. You’ve all experienced it: the long arguments, the silent treatments, her leaving the house and not telling you where she’s going, the character assassinations… the performance assassinations. She’s scorned. You’re in the line of fire. And you’re not sure what ammunition she’s packing.

My friends say no matter what the argument is or what they say, they always find themselves in the loser’s corner, the proverbial dog box. In the wide spectrum of arguments, she never seems to be in the wrong. But you don’t have to be beaten all the time. We women are simple creatures who need nothing more than slight persuasion. We are open to the idea that you could be right. So change your approach. Let me take you back to my friend who just lost another battle. Just so I don’t dis his business across town, we’ll call him Joe.

Joe knows this girl. His girlfriend doesn’t like her. The girlfriend thinks (or should I say knows – a woman always knows) that this girl wants him. So the dislike is justified – a girl’s got to protect what she’s got. One idle Tuesday afternoon, Joe is walking with his girlfriend when who should appear on the scene, but little missy. Joe tenses up when he sees her. He knows that from that very moment his every move is being watched. He must calculate accurately, there’s no room for error here.

To greet or not to greet? If he ignores her, the question will be ‘What was that about? Why was there so much tension between the two of you? Are you hiding something?’ No. He’ll render a normal greeting. Usually there’s a peck on the cheek, but not today. That’s definitely out of the question. She comes. He greets. No peck on the cheek. He asks very clinically how she’s doing, careful not to show any kind of emotion. Pleasantries pass. She walks away. Safe. ‘Well done old boy,’ he thinks. But he doesn’t see the bullets coming. ‘How come you didn’t kiss her on the cheek like you usually do? Is there something there you don’t want me to see? Do you want her Joe?’

That night the grilling begins – 45 minutes straight. Beaten, he mumbles, ‘Okay… I should’ve kissed her on the cheek.’ You lose. Again. Now, I admit poor Joe had a fairly good thought process going, full of logic. He thought he’d covered his bases. But therein lies the problem my friends. What made Joe’s girlfriend angry is not that Joe didn’t give her a peck on the cheek. In fact, had Joe so much as shook that tart’s hand he would’ve hit the sofa that night. What might seem like a lose-lose situation is actually not. The problem is that Joe was thinking about himself rather than about his girlfriend. That’s the problem with most guys – your game is all about the defense, you want to cover your own butts. What we wan to see is that you are considering ‘me’ in all of this. So whether you kiss her or not, what you do with me while you’re socializing is what matters. Introduce me, hold my hand while talking to her. Let her know that you’re happy with me. Bit of a curve ball isn’t it?

Remember, when arguing with a woman, you need to think out of the box. So how would it have turned out if Joe had climbed out of his box for this one? Joe pecks the girl on the cheek and then introduces his girlfriend. He holds her hand throughout the ensuing conversation. ‘Great play’ he thinks. But as soon as the girl leaves… And then? ‘Why were you all lovey-dovey to me when you saw her? What are you trying to prove? Why were you working so hard?’ Forget it. Men. They’re all the same.

Loving A Person's Weak Spots

It will be somehow a contradiction, don’t you think? There are situations that we appreciate somebody not for their nice character but because of their weak spots. Personally, I believe that most of us also fall deeply in love with the flaws of a human being and that’s really true. Why is that so? Listed below are some of the factors that can help you to comprehend.

All people have their particular imperfections and it is not possible that you don’t possess that. Discover how to accept people for who they actually are instead of hopelessly seeking for flawlessness. I guarantee you will be all happier for it. I can also state that it will be better for you if you seek for someone who shares your own views in life. You can even seek out a person who is strong wherever you are weak and the other way around. You could make one another a shoulder to lean on and within that way you could make a better relationship.

You should understand that what other people say is not really important so you won’t need to care about it. Your own belief is the only thing that matters. Why you need to permit other people dictate your decisions if you know that you actually love somebody? You have to to know to stop judging other people for his or her choices in life. It’s so simple for most of us judging the people who really do not know. We could do this particularly if they are against on what exactly we believe is ‘normal’. Love is one thing which you cannot dictate to someone who should they choose to fall deeply in love with, this is a desire to every human being.